There's not a day goes by I don't feel regret.

I watch a lot of jail shows.  It amazing listening to prisoners that commit a terrible crime and they are almost now bewildered at how they once were capable of that.   That is how I feel now.   How many different people are we during our lives?  Our experiences shape us.   The me that existed 6 months ago is gone.    The me that existed 5 years ago is gone.  The me that existed 10 years ago is gone.   Because you cant go back to that person.   Too much has happened and that person is erased.   I suppose it is the same with these criminals.   They did something horrible and the feelings and experiences that they have gone through since then have changed them forever.  

That is me right now.   How did I let the enemy take over my heart?  How was I unhappy when I had so much?  And how am I re-discovering happiness when I have nothing?

Again, from "Shawshank Redemption" - Red: "There's not a day goes by I don't feel regret. Not because I'm in here, or because you think I should. I look back on the way I was then: a young, stupid kid who committed that terrible crime. I want to talk to him. I want to try and talk some sense to him, tell him the way things are. But I can't. That kid's long gone and this old man is all that's left. I got to live with that.

And something happened. Something terrible. And the way that they saw themselves is gone - Mad Men 03-13