I couldn't find peace

When you become a Christian, it can be hard to be inundated with most of whats in the media without being sad.   I don't know how I didn't learn from all of this before.   I have to watch a show that is centered around sin.  It does show the negative effects of it.   But I watch and feel that it used to be me.   Not to the extent of some of what these people are doing, but I did have my demons. 
Its so much clearer to me now.  And I want to reach into the screen and save these fictional characters.   I know now that God is always watching. 

There was a scene where one character finds out that someone else is praying for him.  To find peace.   And as I watched a tear actually rolled down my face.   Because that was me.  I couldn't find peace, even though it was all right in front of me.  Even when we have everything, we tend to keep chasing things that we think will make us happy.   Life doesn't work like that.   You find your peace from above and count the blessings that you are given.   I appreciate what I have now.   And I yearn for what I have lost.   But I have faith that there is something better that is in store for me. 

Reliable Membership

This a very interesting article about having a solid relationship when one partner is an "avoider" and the other is a "clinger".  I definitely am in the "avoider" category while my partner I believe was more toward the "clinger" category.   This is a good read and I wish I had seen it during my relationship.   It makes me realize how my behaviors had such a negative effect on her emotions.   I think our match was perfect however I did not express my needs for space at times, and did not see how my methods of behavior could instill fear in her concerning our relationship. 

http://www.alturtle.com/archives/100

especially when no one else is watching.

 Integrity - Upholding one's convictions at all times, especially when no one else is watching.  

I am sorry that I did not always have integrity with you.   I was doing things that I shouldn't have instead to solve my own issues rather than sharing them with you.   For this I am deeply sorry.   I was compartmentalizing my life which is a horrible thing to do.  God sees all that you are. 

This is a good video a friend shared with me for those who have sinned and are trying to forgive themselves -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suMhQ3ETCyI&feature=youtu.be

God's way always works.

Virtue	Latin	Gloss	(Vice)	(Latin)	Virtue's Meaning
Chastity	Castitas	Purity, knowledge, honesty, wisdom	Lust	Luxuria	Abstaining from sexual conduct according to one's state in life; the practice of courtly love and romantic friendship. Cleanliness through cultivated good health and hygiene, and maintained by refraining from intoxicants. To be honest with oneself, one's family, one's friends, and to all of humanity. Embracing of moral wholesomeness and achieving purity of thought-through education and betterment. The ability to refrain from being distracted and influenced by hostility, temptation or corruption.
Temperance	Temperantia	Self control, justice, honour, abstention	Gluttony	Gula	Restraint, temperance, justice. Constant mindfulness of others and one's surroundings; practicing self-control, abstention, moderation, zero-sum and deferred gratification. Prudence to judge between actions with regard to appropriate actions at a given time. Proper moderation between self-interest, versus public-interest, and against the rights and needs of others.
Charity	Caritas	Will, benevolence, generosity, sacrifice	Greed	Avaritia	Generosity, charity, self-sacrifice; the term should not be confused with the more restricted modern use of the word charity to mean benevolent giving. In Christian theology, charity—or love (agäpé) -- is the greatest of the three theological virtues.Love, in the sense of an unlimited loving kindness towards all others, is held to be the ultimate perfection of the human spirit, because it is said to both glorify and reflect the nature of God. Such love is self-sacrificial. Confusion can arise from the multiple meanings of the English word "love". The love that is "caritas" is distinguished by its origin – being divinely infused into the soul – and by its residing in the will rather than emotions, regardless of what emotions it stirs up. This love is necessary for salvation, and with it no one can be lost.
Diligence	Industria	Persistence, effort, ethics, rectitude	Sloth	Acedia	A zealous and careful nature in one's actions and work; decisive work ethic, steadfastness in belief, fortitude, and the capability of not giving up. Budgeting one's time; monitoring one's own activities to guard against laziness. Upholding one's convictions at all times, especially when no one else is watching (integrity).(The vice "acedia" is more commonly known as "sloth".)
Patience	Patientia	Peace, mercy, ahimsa, sufferance	Wrath	Ira	Forbearance and endurance through moderation. Resolving conflicts and injustice peacefully, as opposed to resorting to violence. Accepting the grace to forgive;[2] to show mercy to sinners. Creating a sense of peaceful stability and community rather than suffering, hostility, and antagonism.
Kindness	Humanitas	Satisfaction, loyalty, compassion, integrity	Envy	Invidia	Charity, compassion and friendship for its own sake. Empathy and trust without prejudice or resentment. Unselfish love and voluntary kindness without bias or spite. Having positive outlooks and cheerful demeanor; to inspire kindness in others.
Humility	Humilitas	Bravery, modesty, reverence, altruism	Pride	Superbia	Modest behavior, selflessness, and the giving of respect. Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less. It is a spirit of self-examination; a hermeneutic of suspicion toward yourself and charity toward people you disagree with. The courage of the heart necessary to undertake tasks which are difficult, tedious or unglamorous, and to graciously accept the sacrifices involved. Reverence for those who have wisdom and those who selflessly teach in love. Giving credit where credit is due; not unfairly glorifying one's own self. Being faithful to promises, no matter how big or small they may be. Refraining from despair and the ability to confront fear and uncertainty, or intimidation.