Sunday, March 17, 2013

Show me grace.

Tonight is horrible.   I know I am supposed to be strong.   They keep telling me that time will heal this.   They keep telling me that God would not give me more than I can handle. 

I beg.  I plead.   One way or another make this stop.   Show me a miracle.  Show me grace.  

I'm done again.   Nothing makes sense.  I can not form a thought or a sentence.   I have never felt anything like this.  

Being sick was completely horrible.   But a different horrible.   In some way this is so much worse because I know I could fix it.   I have no control.  

God grant me this miracle.   Tell me what to do.   I will forever let it shine in your name.  

Every decision

Every decision one makes in their life can influence every single day after that.   Some are big and others are little.    But every day we make millions of decisions that can change our course. 

Obviously some of my recent big decisions are very obvious regrets.   And I know they may change my course forever.  I am trying to realize this with every move I make.   Every day, everything that I do can shape the future. 

I love putting myself second.   This has worked so well in my life so far.    It has lifted so much anger.   It has allowed me to stop chasing little highs, in order to see the bigger picture.   It is amazing how a change in thinking can make life so much easier and so much happier. 

I feel that I have re-born and am starting a completely new life.   I still have hopes for some things that I want.   I have to trust that they will only be brought to me if they are things that fit my purpose.  

I love the seed that has been planted in me.