Procrastination lost its fun.

I keep thinking of all of the things that I have procrastinated on during my life.  Its been the bane of my existence.   There was always more time to make things right.  And then time runs out.  I did it with us.   I figured time would make things right.   It wasn't time that was the problem.  It was me. 

I feel it now with my medical concerns.   I kept putting things off because I was comfortable with the way things were and afraid to change.   But sometimes change is a good thing.  I have found so much change in the past months in so many areas.   And all of this change was for the so much better.   I'd be shit without this change. 

But I still try and muddle through my past.   It continues to haunt me.   I know that more than anyone, I needed to be re-born.   To die inside and out and rise from the ashes.   But I need to let go of what is done and start fresh.   We as humans have all made mistakes.   Some are much bigger than others.  All you can do is learn from them and move on.   But after you learn from them you must let them go. 

It continues to be hard to accept things.   It is very hard when someone that was your best friend no longer cares about you.  No longer thinks about you.   Replaced you like a battery.  It makes me scared to try again.  How do I know what is real?  How do I know if I have someones heart or if I am just in the right place at the right time? As ready as I am to find love again, my guard is up.   I don't want to be the guy to settle down with.  I want to be someones true love.

Lord please forgive me for any lies I have told.  Please forgive me for not always living with intention and not acting as fast as I should.   God please keep me with you on my new path. 

passionate purpose.

I made progress last night in my goals.   Things are working better than they have been.   I am grabbing every day one moment at a time.   No more wasted hours.   No more wasted opportunities. 
All I think about is the wasted potential of what I had.   It could have been so much bigger than it was.   It could have been my everything.   But I did not wake up every day and put it first.  I went through the motions.   Now everything is intentional.   Everything has passionate purpose. 
Next time I get an opportunity I will completely let go.   I wish it was a second opportunity. 

I will stay faithful to my cause and hope that I am rewarded.   If not I will still try to believe.   I believe that certain things are meant to be.   Miracles are what makes life worth living. 

Someone told me today that true love is a very rare thing.  But is it?   Did we have it?

I did not show myself to you inside and out.  You should have known everything that was in my head every day.   We should have been closer than any couple in the world.  This is the biggest mistake that I have ever made.   Will I ever forgive myself?