Drink Drank Drunk

My perspective has been redeemed.  I know exactly what I want and who I want to be.  I am disappointed in myself that I lost it.   After all that I have suffered, I had no right to lose sight of what is important.  I know what thoughts you have on your death bed.   I know what it is like to lose everything.  
People keep liking me.  For years I suffered with the thought that no partner would want to take on my issues.  Now there are plenty.  But the one that mattered, I didn't see it clearly.   I didn't have the right view.   And I am narrow minded.  I want what I want and I cant have it.  
I am reformed.  I am the most honest person in the room now.   Yet I am still in limbo.   I cant show myself off where I want to.  
I am minute to minute and if I am lucky day to day.   Long term plans are unsettled.   I want routine.  I want what some would think is boring.   To me it would be thrilling.  
I am riddled with anxiety.  It is worse than ever before.   I try to live in the moment.  I try to accept that I had to be here in order to learn.   Its one call.   One text.   Yet so elusive. 
I approach each day like it could be the end.   I finally am waking up and asking myself to do my best today.    I was out of control in a not so obvious way.   I didn't even see it.
When a person knows so clearly the greatness that he could pour out in a situation, it is very difficult when the rest of the world does not see it.   I could be the best at this ever.  Yet I am stuck on the bench because of stubbornness. 
I would never let you down baby.  Its me and you against the universe for life. 
The empty chair next to me tonight was so symbolic.  I know what I want there.  I'd fight the world for it. 
My life would make a hell of a book.   But right now the final chapter is a tragedy.  I still have hope for the perfect ending. 

Brian Sumner

This is one of the videos on this site that I think relates best to my story -

http://www.iamsecond.com/struggles/divorce/

If you have not checked out this site, it will change you.

weary and burdened

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. - Matthew 11:28


I'm here God.   Please answer my prayers.   I will wait patiently, but I don't have much strength left.  I know that there is a reason for every event of every day, but some of them are very hard.   Don't let me make anymore mistakes that will weigh on me. 
Thank you for grabbing my heart and making me the person I am becoming.   Let me use it in your glory.   Let me be one of your testimonies.