I feel like I am on a roller coaster with no seat belt.

Losing control is one of the hardest things in life to deal with.   I had my whole year planned out.   Once again God was laughing.   He needed to squash my plans in order to make me the person that I should be.  Nothing is up to me right now.   It is up to Him.  And you.   If He chooses to put forgiveness in your heart and put back a small spark there.  Then I can fan it slowly and bring back the fire that once roared between us. 

I feel like I am on a roller coaster with no seat belt.   Its erratic.  Many turns I feel like I could just fly out.   I just keep holding on, white knuckled, hoping at the finish line things will make sense.  

I have never hurt for something this much.   Yearned for something this much.   I know that I could fix it.   But again, no control.   I know that I would never let you down again.   I know that there have already been such deep changes in me, changes that would make us a model for others.   But everything is out of my control.   I try and let go.   But I try to hold on to you, white knuckled.  

24 hours never seemed so long.   Is it Thursday yet?  Is it Sunday yet?   I just try to make it to therapy, to church.   And in between I try to do the things I need to do to become the man I am supposed to be.  



"Need You Now (How Many Times)" - Plumb

Well, everybody's got a story to tell
And everybody's got a wound to be healed
I want to believe there's beauty here
'Cause oh, I get so tired of holding on
I can't let go, I can't move on
I want to believe there's meaning here

How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

Standing on a road I didn't plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I'm trying to hear that still small voice
I'm trying to hear above the noise

How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

Though I walk,
Though I walk through the shadows
And I, I am so afraid
Please stay, please stay right beside me
With every single step I take

How many times have you heard me cry out?
And how many times have you given me strength?

How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

I need you now
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
I need you now
I need you now