Tuesday, February 12, 2013

one of us would give a key to someone else.

When you told me that you had moved on to something serious so soon, I nearly collapsed.   Here I was in shambles, and you were already sharing your life with someone.  And even worse sharing what I feel with him.  I meant nothing.   I wondered if that meant something.  

It was so easy for us to combine our lives.   We met each others families and friends so quickly.   We gave each other keys right away.   I never for a second thought those lives would ever be separated.   I never ever thought either one of us would give a key to someone else.  

I love our little family.   I never took any pictures down.   Its the only family I could ever want.   Creating that with someone else was not an option.   I had everything I wanted.   My poodle had her mommy.  No one else could fill that role.  I don't want to get to know anyone else like that.  

I realized even more how perfect it was when it was gone.   That routine was perfect.   It flowed effortlessly.   It was the first time I had felt normalcy in years.   I slept, I ate, I went to work. 
And all the moments in between those things was wonderful.  

The weight continues to fall off of me because I dont eat.   I only sleep when filled with drugs.   Work is a blur.   And all the moments in between are a waste of time. 

Your car is so popular.   I see it everywhere.   I hope for that glimpse, despite how bad it might hurt me.  I know you wont even look at me. 

The worst part is I could fix it all.