Why do we do the things we do?

Why do we do the things we do?   I think a lot of things are done out of fear.   I had someone that meant the world to me.   Someone I would have been very happy to marry and love with all my heart.   I had no desire to be with anyone else.   Yet I did not give her all of me.  I did not give her my best.   I did not share with her all of my wants and desires.  I tried to handle issues on my own that really involved both of us.   Why would I take a chance to sabotage all of this?  In my opinion, out of fear. 
I could have moved things along sooner and should have.  Then I wouldn't be in this mess.   Moved in together, got engaged, married, had children.   Not even necessarily in that order.   I should have just done it, but I was afraid.   Afraid of rushing things.   Afraid because sometimes we fought and I thought maybe we were not ready.  But just remember baby, waiting gives the devil time.
I wish that I could explain to you that the things that I was doing and the issues that I kept to myself had nothing to do with the fact that I didn't love you.   I just did not want you to see the imperfections in me and leave.   But in reality, those imperfections would have made us closer and made the relationship stronger.  
I have never loved like this.   I have never hurt like this. 
What I wouldn't give for one more hug, one more kiss, one more morning waking up next to you....one more phone call, one more smile, one more smell of your hair. 
All those moments we could have spent together and did not, what a waste of time. 
Love is all that matters in this life.   Love never fails.   Take all my possessions and throw them away if it would give me love again.   I wish I knew it then, but its all that there is.  

real love is stronger than its problems

Maybe thinking that things could have happened differently is a waste of energy.   Maybe things happen the way they are meant to happen.   Is it possible that the purpose of our relationship was to teach me things in order to be better for another?   It could be that I was wrong thinking that we were supposed to end up together. 

I know that what happened at the end was my fault.   But maybe if it was not that, it would have been something else.   Who knows.   I believe that real love is stronger than its problems.   And I am seeing right now that we are not stronger than ours.  

I still have a difficult time every morning for so many reasons.   But I get up and tell myself that there is a plan.   And soon somehow I will have my family. 

It feels so good to have all my priorities straight.   It feels so good to have my head so clear.   It feels so good to have rid myself of my bad habits.   I've never been more prepared for the future as I am now.