Friday, April 19, 2013

Asking for healing.

I know that this had to happen God.  I was never going to be the man I am supposed to be without going through this pain.  I know You had to smack me in the face, yet again, to bring me back to the right path.   I know You have put me through struggles before to bring me closer to You.   I know that You will do it again if I stray.   But I know that this time, I will never leave this path again.  I feel such a huge change in my heart.  This is the biggest high I could ever get. 
My anger is gone.  My ego is checked.  My pride has been squashed.  I realize now that the most important thing in the world is love and you should do anything to hold on to it.  You should never take it for granted. 
I will continue to be on my knees every night asking for forgiveness.   Asking to be one of your testimonies.   Asking for healing.   God please let me move on from this and make someone the luckiest woman alive.   Cleanse my heart so I can move on and have the family that you want all of us to have. 

I want to be living these words.

I'm getting tired of writing words on paper.  I want actions.  I want to be living these words.  I am ready.   Maybe God feels I am not.   I am like a little kid right now.   I want what I want because I want it.   I know I need a plan B.  A plan C and probably a plan D.  
Should I reach out?  I know I cant.   Time is being wasted and there is nothing that I can do.   I stay focused and determined but nervous it will be all for nothing.   Will that be another disappointment I cant handle?
I know I have to let go, let God.   That is the only answer to the situation that has been created. 
I am ready to make the biggest boldest moves that I have ever made.   But will I get the chance?

I should've taken less and given you more

  SKILLET
"The Older I Get"

The walls between
You and I
Always pushing us apart nothing left but scars fight after fight

The space between
Our calm and rage
started growing shorter , disappearing slowly day after day

I was sitting there waiting in my room for you
You were waiting for me too
And it makes me wonder

The older I get
Will I get over it
It's been way too long for the times we missed

I didn't know then it would hurt like this but I think
The older I get
Maybe I'll get over it
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I can't believe it still hurts like this

The time between
Those cutting words
Built up our defenses never made no sense it just made me hurt
Do you believe
That time heals all wounds
It started getting better but it's easy not to fight when I'm not with you

What was I waiting for
I should've taken less and given you more
I should've weathered the storm
I need to say so bad
What were you waiting for
This could have been the best we ever had

[Altro:]
I'm just getting older
I'm not getting over you I'm trying to
I wish it didn't hurt like this
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I can't believe it still hurts like this