how beautiful your eyes

I realize today that I have never dealt with life.   Never dealt with my emotions.   All of these years and everything has just been swept under the rug.  I have opened up so much during the past few months both spiritually and emotionally.   So much has been pouring out.   Emotions that I almost never expressed before. 
I was wrong about so many things in my past.   I was so closed off.   It hurts to know how others have never seen the real me.   I have been given so many opportunities to become one with another person.  And I never realized how much I failed at this until now.
All I can do is repent.  I cant apologize.   I wish that I could.   As I navigate though everything that I am feeling, I just want everyone to know how sorry I am.   I had no idea that the way I was is not how everyone else is.   I don't know how, why or when those walls got built, but as they come down, all I want is to hug those that I did not hug enough before. 

I was wrong.

I want to look into your beautiful blue eyes and tell you how much I love you and how sorry I am.  
And how I didn't tell you enough how beautiful your eyes are. 

 

Things are not always black and white

I have a lot of anger today.   I get upset knowing what you think of me.   I know I made some mistakes.  I just wish I had the chance to explain to you why I was doing the things that I was doing.   There were also things that you accused me of that were not true.  I can assume why you came up with these things.   But there was so much you were wrong about.   I know you think you are smarter than everyone else, but that is not always the case.
Things are not always black and white.   Yes I was looking at things that I shouldn't have.   But it was because I was trying to solve my problems on my own.   Yes that was wrong as well.   But we could have been bigger than that.   I loved you so much and never had any desire to be with anyone but you for the rest of my life.   And I never was.  And I still feel that way. 
I have anger toward you for going and doing some bullshit investigation instead of just talking to me that morning.   Coming up with an attack that I couldn't even defend.   I could have explained everything and we could have went from there.   But instead you came at me in attack mode like a freight train, just like every other time we argued. 
I hope someday you make a mistake and are judged.   I hope you do something that didn't have bad intentions but someone defines you by it.   Then you will know what I feel. 
I know you will find happiness and love.  But you may never ever find someone who loves you and wanted to take care of you like I did.   I just needed someone who would be patient with me to help me communicate.  I wanted to confess everything for you and I never even got the chance.  You moved on in ten minutes. 
I love with with all my heart.   But I hate you for being so smug.   You of all people should know that sometimes good people make mistakes.   It shouldn't define them.   Lots of people deserve a second chance that they never get.   We could have been ten times stronger than we ever were.  

Serenity

Serenity now. 

God, give me grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

I am nuts

CANCER horoscope for May, 08, 2013 (The DailyHoroscope by Comitic)

The mighty oak was once a little nut that stood its ground. The author of that quotation is unknown, but he or she must have had an experience similar to what you are going through right now, Moonchild. Lately it has felt like it's been you against the world. Although you do have allies, there is a person or a group of people who have been treating you like a nut, or like you don't know what you're doing in a certain personal quest. But you know exactly what you're doing, and you are doing it very well. Events of the next few days will validate all that you've been through, and you will triumph.


--
Copyright (c) The DailyHoroscope by Comitic
http://bit.ly/DHmobile