Today was a particularly bad morning. The pain as intense as it has been. I was having dark thoughts. Wondering what the point of getting up is. Thank God for my dog. I have to trust that I will be seen through this.
The one thing that has been going well is the positive changes that I have been making. I am a better man than I ever have been. And I have such a long way to go. I listened to so many stories last night. Others that have been here and came out a better person. I want to be someone that I can be proud of. Because right now I still hate myself. I am the villain in this story.
Its hard to imagine having some match.com relationship. It seems so forced. I want someone to walk into my life that once I see them I cant live without them. I had that. I miss our story. It was the way things should happen.
I still cant believe what you did. But I love you unconditionally. I just never thought that the things that I said would make you do that. It makes me realize that there is nothing left in your heart for me. Absolutely nothing. It is devastating to know that.
