peace recently

I have developed some sort of peace recently.   Its not consistent yet but there are many more peaceful moments than there have been over the past few months.   I thank God for this.   I asked for a change.  If I am not going to have my prayers answered, then I would at least like some peace.   It is nice to have some relaxation for the first time in years.   I feel my muscles being less tense and my mind is calm.   This is healing, and even improvement from where I have been. 
I do not know if I will ever be fully healed.   I do not know if I will ever fully understand the person that I was and the daily decisions and actions that I took.  I do not even know who that person was at this point, and it is hard to accept that at one time that person was inside of me.  I feel that I could be an old man and never understand that guy.   All I can accept is that hating that person is what has fueled the changes that will drive the rest of my life.