My walls have crumbled.

I realize how much I have come to lean on myself and myself only over the past years.  I think I was always this way.  Even as a kid I remember always trying to figure things out on my own.  I remember having no problem spending lots of time alone.  I think ever since I got sick, someone who was already able to be a loner became much worse.  Its hard when you have a problem that is so big and complex that you feel like no one you can vent to will understand.  It was such a dark and lonely place.   But the worst part is I became used to it.
I sit in this men's group with these guys and we all open up with our deepest feelings.  And when I hear myself talk, sometimes I cant believe it is me.   I'm pouring out my thoughts like never before.   I'm telling a group of strangers about my pain and agony over what I have lost.  My ego is gone.   My walls have crumbled.  It is an amazing feeling.  
The best part about my current situation is everyone in that room can relate.   Even the strongest Christians have been there.  And we all support each other in learning from it and preventing the same mistakes in times ahead. 
I have spent so much of the past few months in that church.   And every time I walk out I feel stronger and happier.  It is where I should have been all along.   As difficult as the circumstances are, I am so glad I was pulled there.