My heart is dying to explode.

God, I wanted you to reveal yourself in a big way today.  I tried to create an opportunity and I was let down.  I will try not to get frustrated.   It just hard when I am sitting here ready to pounce.  Waiting and knowing that the story that I would create would be such a testimony.   I am in a situation where there is really nothing that I can do but see where You take me.   I have been backed into a corner that only You can get me out of. 
I feel like this year will define so much.   I try not to get anxious about that.   I made the biggest mistake of my life and I want it to be something that I learn from, rather than something I will always be stuck on.   The learning part has come and has lit a new fire within me.   But the stuck part remains.   Its like standing in quicksand.
I will continue to scratch, claw and fight.   There is always an easy way out.   I've crept into that darkness before.   But this time I will continue to trust in You.   You will guide me on how to handle this and how to achieve my dreams.  
I know that You know what I kind of person I really am.   I know that You will use me and make me even better.   You have cleansed me of so much and You continue to hold me.  
I am sorry God that I am asking for the big explosion rather than the slow crescendo.   I am just so ready to create that story.   I know that You will lead me where I need to go.   Love is hard to suppress.  My heart is dying to explode.