I will save others from my pain.

Last night I wrote a post that lived in anxiety.  I felt like I was running into the same walls again.   I was filled with panic and fear.  For some reason I wrote it but decided not to publish it.  It is amazing what 24 hours can do.  I realized I was leaning on my own devices again and letting these negative emotions creep into my heart. 
Today I am clear.   Unexpected things continue to happen.   I am being used in ways I never imagined possible.  My story is one of failure and heartbreak.   It has not been fun living it.   But others continue to benefit.   And I realize that is part of my purpose.  I continue to be open and honest like never before.   I am not embarrassed or afraid.  I continue to wear all of my mistakes on my sleeve for the first time in my life.   And as horrible as I always imagined that would feel, nothing but good continues to pour out of it.  I have young people looking to me for answers.  I will save others from my pain. 
Everyday will continue to be a delicate balance.  I am walking the balance beam knowing falling off either side leads to a deep pit of misery.  But I am so proud of myself, possibly for the first time in my life.   I continue to follow the path I have been brought to. 
God took away my idol.   You and us were my idol.   I held it more important than anything else on this earth.   Yet I know He had to take it away.   There is no way I would have seen the error of my ways without being put through the deepest heartbreak imaginable.  He continues to show me what real love is through many other forms, so that I am prepared for what is in store for me. 
There are suddenly people coming into my life.  I do not know all of the reasons for them yet.   But I know they all serve a purpose and a reason to continue to learn. 
Yesterday I was backsliding.  Today I am running up the stairs.  
You have me.  Keeping using me to bring others to You.   I cant wait to share this experience with my family.