dare to be great situation.

"Time heals all wounds" is a hugely popular cliche in our culture.  Sometimes time doesn't seem to heal a thing.   People keep saying this to me and I try to believe it.   Maybe the word "time" just means a longer period than I would like it to be.  If anything I am more in love now than I ever was.   And this despite all that has happened.   I probably should not even type that for the anonymous public to read.   At this point its just pathetic to let myself feel that way for someone who probably has not thought about me once in months.  
I had a bad day I guess with this today.   I'm allowed I am told.  Everything else in my life is moving with purpose and passion.   I guess its natural to want to bring you into that.
The frustration comes from being stuck.   I cant seem to move forward and I know you wont come back.   So I am stuck in the middle.  The middle of a transformation combined with the anxiety of wanting to have a wife living here with me and progressing towards a family.   But I have to comb through this mess alone, because it is not fair for me to give a girl a heart that would only be partially hers.   I tried that already.
I want the story to run like ours did.   Two people who meet in a room and blast off.   It moved so fast because it felt so right, which is how it should be.   I don't want it to be cool and calculated.   I want that dare to be great situation.  I want the fireworks.   I want us to look at each other and say lets do this forever.   I wish we got there.   I feel like we were so close but I failed.   In my mind I still run through the fantasy of it still happening.   But I know most likely we will both find this elsewhere.   And I know sadly it will probably be a while before I am open enough to even let those sparks in again. 
Two more days till Thursday and five more till Sunday.   I know I will be learning and growing so much this week.