Things are not always black and white

I have a lot of anger today.   I get upset knowing what you think of me.   I know I made some mistakes.  I just wish I had the chance to explain to you why I was doing the things that I was doing.   There were also things that you accused me of that were not true.  I can assume why you came up with these things.   But there was so much you were wrong about.   I know you think you are smarter than everyone else, but that is not always the case.
Things are not always black and white.   Yes I was looking at things that I shouldn't have.   But it was because I was trying to solve my problems on my own.   Yes that was wrong as well.   But we could have been bigger than that.   I loved you so much and never had any desire to be with anyone but you for the rest of my life.   And I never was.  And I still feel that way. 
I have anger toward you for going and doing some bullshit investigation instead of just talking to me that morning.   Coming up with an attack that I couldn't even defend.   I could have explained everything and we could have went from there.   But instead you came at me in attack mode like a freight train, just like every other time we argued. 
I hope someday you make a mistake and are judged.   I hope you do something that didn't have bad intentions but someone defines you by it.   Then you will know what I feel. 
I know you will find happiness and love.  But you may never ever find someone who loves you and wanted to take care of you like I did.   I just needed someone who would be patient with me to help me communicate.  I wanted to confess everything for you and I never even got the chance.  You moved on in ten minutes. 
I love with with all my heart.   But I hate you for being so smug.   You of all people should know that sometimes good people make mistakes.   It shouldn't define them.   Lots of people deserve a second chance that they never get.   We could have been ten times stronger than we ever were.