I have developed some sort of peace recently. Its not consistent yet but there are many more peaceful moments than there have been over the past few months. I thank God for this. I asked for a change. If I am not going to have my prayers answered, then I would at least like some peace. It is nice to have some relaxation for the first time in years. I feel my muscles being less tense and my mind is calm. This is healing, and even improvement from where I have been.
I do not know if I will ever be fully healed. I do not know if I will ever fully understand the person that I was and the daily decisions and actions that I took. I do not even know who that person was at this point, and it is hard to accept that at one time that person was inside of me. I feel that I could be an old man and never understand that guy. All I can accept is that hating that person is what has fueled the changes that will drive the rest of my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment