My perspective has been redeemed. I know exactly what I want and who I want to be. I am disappointed in myself that I lost it. After all that I have suffered, I had no right to lose sight of what is important. I know what thoughts you have on your death bed. I know what it is like to lose everything.
People keep liking me. For years I suffered with the thought that no partner would want to take on my issues. Now there are plenty. But the one that mattered, I didn't see it clearly. I didn't have the right view. And I am narrow minded. I want what I want and I cant have it.
I am reformed. I am the most honest person in the room now. Yet I am still in limbo. I cant show myself off where I want to.
I am minute to minute and if I am lucky day to day. Long term plans are unsettled. I want routine. I want what some would think is boring. To me it would be thrilling.
I am riddled with anxiety. It is worse than ever before. I try to live in the moment. I try to accept that I had to be here in order to learn. Its one call. One text. Yet so elusive.
I approach each day like it could be the end. I finally am waking up and asking myself to do my best today. I was out of control in a not so obvious way. I didn't even see it.
When a person knows so clearly the greatness that he could pour out in a situation, it is very difficult when the rest of the world does not see it. I could be the best at this ever. Yet I am stuck on the bench because of stubbornness.
I would never let you down baby. Its me and you against the universe for life.
The empty chair next to me tonight was so symbolic. I know what I want there. I'd fight the world for it.
My life would make a hell of a book. But right now the final chapter is a tragedy. I still have hope for the perfect ending.
No comments:
Post a Comment