I need to be alone.

Went to a wedding.   Probably one of the last things on earth I wanted to do right now.  I sit there and of course picture myself up there with the person that I long to be with.   Knowing that dream is over. 

I have someone come into my life who would do anything to be with me.  A great girl who would love me with all her heart.   And I cant be with her because I am in love with someone else.   Someone who has my entire heart.   Someone who wants nothing to do with me. 

I had to hurt someone else.   I thought I was already at rock bottom.   Then last night I saw the canyon below me and fell. 

I need to be alone.  God don't let me hurt anyone else.   The guilt is unbearable. 

I know the pain is only getting worse.   But I know this is all my own creation.  I am being given this struggle to find true change.   I will come out the person that I am meant to be.